(Enter Mr. Maclean)

Mr. Maclean: Good morning everyone!

Staff: (unenthusiastically) Good morning Mr. Maclean.

Mr. Maclean: Let's do a quick roll call, shall we? Okay.....Phil?

Mr. Pike: Present.

Mr. Maclean: Julian?

Mr. Grigg: No, not today.

(Laughs all around, especially from Mrs. Cooke)

Mr. Maclean: Don't be smart Julian. Now, um..... CGI?

Mr. MacFarlane: I think he's catching some breakfast down at Mcdonalds.

Mr. Grigg: (Sarcastically) Ha, that's a surprise.

Mr. Maclean: Right, Helen. R, where is she?

Mr. Pike: I think we all know the answer to that.

(Discussion breaks out amongst the staff)

Mr Maclean: Smoking again? I've just about had enough of this. If anyone sees her, bring her to me immediately!

Mr. Allen-Waters: (mutters quietly) Uh-Oh, she's in for it!

Mr. Maclean: Okay, it looks like everyone else is here. Now, let's go through the run down for today. Kristen, you're on school yard patrol for recess, and Karen, you're on for lunchtime. There have been several unconfirmed sightings of students with both their socks down and shirts out, so obviously this is some cause for concern. So Rob, I'm putting you down for sock and shirt duty for this week, since you have had a fair amount of experience in this area. Now, my contacts tell me that there is a high possibility of a water fight occurring at around 1:30 today, so I'm going to have John make an appearance in the back courtyard around that time to see if he can catch anyone in the act. David, I've put your name down to hold the Friday detention this week, I know that's something you like doing. Rosalind, it's your turn for after school street patrol, I'm sure you're aware of the new patrol route, just make sure that you cover every major street and keep doing laps until about 5:00 when things seem to tone down a bit. The Bursar has recently alerted me to the fact students are consuming 0.25% more water than the allowed amount. We simply can't afford to be paying these kind of water bills. And besides, the caretakers need ten times this much water to rake away the leaves with their high power water blasters. To counter this increase in water usage, Robert has greatly decreased the water pressure in all bubble taps around the school. Okay, I think that's just about everything. I'll see you back here for the day's debriefing at 1530 hours. Are there any further questions?

Mrs. Jones: Yes, I'd like to complain about the students Joel and Ben, teachers in all their classes have claimed that they are behaving like yobbos.

Mr. Allen-Waters: Yes, hee hee, they are a sneaky twosome, aren't they?

Mr. Grigg: Hold the phone! I think they're good kids.

Miss Tucker: (Heavy breathing) Oh, come on! They're terrible students, always misbehaving. I'm always finding myself talking over the top of them.

Mrs. Hadden: Listen peoples, they were mucking around non-stop when we were at the peuool for the swimming sports, all right? I think they should be expelled, all right?

Mr. Maclean: Very well, they shall be placed on code red demerit warning. All staff should react to any threats posed by the two students with maximum force. (Siren sounds)

Mr. MacFarlane: Well, I better get to class, I've arranged for the second siren to sound early so that I can hand out a few more demerit points for 'late to class'.

(Laughter fills the room as the teachers leave the staff lounge and proceed to their classes to enforce discipline at the highest level)