Admit it - we’ve all at one stage in our school years cursed the TIGHTNESS of our school. But how tight really is your school? Take our simple test entitled......
HOW TIGHT IS YOUR SCHOOL?
The number in brackets indicates number of points to add to your score from each question. Total points and check on the ‘Amphigory TIGHT-O-METER’ for results.
1. If you saved all the money from a year’s school fees, could you buy a:
- car? (2)
- house? (4)
- struggling inner suburbs football club? (10)
- small Ukrainian state? (20)
2. Does your bursar own:
- 2 cars? (3)
- more than 2 cars? (5)
- a struggling inner suburbs football club? (10)
3. Have you ever paid for:
- a sauce portion? (2)
- a straw? (5)
- a broken thermometer? (10)
- the "grease proof" paper that comes with a sausage roll? (20)
4. Do you have to wear your blazer to school because:
- the school believes that not wearing a blazer denotes you as some sort of free-thinking revolutionist, eventually inciting others to follow you - leading to anarchy of Biblical proportions? (3)
- your jumper is of such poor quality that it cannot withstand harsh weathering such as sunlight? (10)
5. Have you ever noticed:
- the "ingredients" in your boarding house sausages? (3)
- there’s a flock of birds living in your assembly hall’s roof? (5)
- all the school’s textbooks have "Copyright 1953" on them? (10)
6. Have you ever been shortchanged at the tuckshop by more than:
- 50c? (2)
- 50c - $4? (5)
- $5 - $9? (10)
- $10? (20)
7. While eating a boarding house dinner, do you ever get the uncanny feeling that you threw away this very same piece of "meat" last week? (10)
8. Have you ever found a:
- rock? (5)
- hoof? (10)
- small marsupial? (20)
in your boarding house dinner?
9. Do your school fees include a:
- bookkeeping levy? (2)
- bubble taps water tax? (5)
- Bradford levy? (10)
10. Have you ever:
- had 10c worth of photocopies put on your account? (5)
- wondered if those foster kids actually exist? (10)
- paid more than $10 for a year eleven magazine? (15)
Amphigory TIGHT-O-METER:
less than 20 FANTASY WORLD: Are you sure you added right?
20-79 AAAAHHH...... : Comes close to being not-tight...
80-139 METAMUCIL: Someone along the line needs some.
140-199 DON’T BREATHE TOO MUCH! That air ain’t free!!
200 plus MAJORLY CORRUPT: You’d have a more stable future with the small Ukrainian state.
Keep looking out for more quality Amphigory tests.... Coming soon:
- How Tight Are You?
- How Tight Is Howells?
- How Tight Is Your School Library?
