Ever wondered how he manages a high pressure occupation and makes you howl with laughter at the same time? Be puzzled no more, because the man himself has supplied us with his own formula for success - his comedy routine which keeps the audience begging for more! Simply fill in the blanks with your own choices and you're on your way to fame and fortune!

Hey, Good morning ladies and *1*. Guess what, a very funny thing happened from my way over here from *2*. Someone came up to me and asked me what the first rule of factorisation was so *3*. But seriously, we have to some work this lesson. Sorry I was late, I've just arrived in your beautiful classroom after 5 minutes of *4*. During that time, I bumped into an old college friend of mine who *5*. Speaking of that, what do you guys think about *6*. Believe me, when I was your age nobody would *7*. You also might know that I grew up in *8*. I'll never forget my first football match, it was so *9*. Now I'm just thankful that *10*.

Only honours students would understand this joke, sorry, wrong class, guess what time I have to go to the dentist? *11* Get it? How come no one's laughing at this material? *12*. Before the class ends, I've been asked by several of you to *13*. Here are a few words of wisdom for you, if you only remember one thing today, this will be it. This was passed onto me by *14*. When I told him I was going to be a maths teacher he just smiled and said *15*. Remember that and get out of here.

NOW FILL IN THE BLANKS!

Fill in blank 1 from here:
football players
all you other women out there
James Hird, who just celebrated his birthday, lets give him a round of applause

Fill in blank 2 from here:
the staff room
the MCG, anyone see me on TV? A cameraman scanned past me once!
the red cross doorknock appeal where I worked for 36 hours straight * please don't applaud

Fill in blank 3 from here:
I had to spend 45 minutes explaining what a common factor is
I did my impression of Peter Sumich, which goes like this.....
I kicked him

Fill in blank 4 from here:
trying to parallel park in the school carpark
playing solitaire in the computer room
looking for my text book. Has anyone seen it?

Fill in blank 5 from here:
admitted he was gay
kicked me
told me a great joke about Collingwood but I've forgotten the punchline

Fill in blank 6 from here:
my carpet tie? A real bargain! All you need is a book of carpet samples and a stanley knife
Pascal's Triangle? Pretty sweet huh?
having homework tonight?

Fill in blank 7 from here:
speak to their maths teacher like that
play hockey
steal my text books. Anyone seen my text book?

Fill in blank 8 from here:
Carlton, anyone out there from Carlton?
a pentagram hiding from evil spirits, any one else on heroin out there?
a boarding house studying algebra so I can use it in a real life situation when I became a maths teacher.

Fill in blank 9 from here:
boring that if it got any more lively a funeral would break out.
many years ago I can't remember
exciting because I got the goal umpire's signature

Fill in blank 10 from here:
Jerry Seinfeld hasn't sued me for stealing his routine
I've been able to hold the same job for 3 years, a personal record
that I don't live in a time where lousy teachers are flogged

Fill in blank 11 from here:
2:30! Hah! Tooth-hurty? Funny?
2:30! Hah! Tooth-hurty? Funny?
2:30! Hah! Tooth-hurty? Funny?

Fill in blank 12 from here:
If you don't understand the jokes, simply raise your hand
I know you're out there, I can hear you breathing
There are starving children in Somalia who want to learn about quadratic equations and would gladly trade places with you

Fill in blank 13 from here:
go home
not give out any homework
sign their T-shirts

Fill in blank 14 from here:
the big maths teacher in the sky
Rex Hunt
the great man himself, Pythagoras

Fill in blank 15 from here:
"Don't smear your greasy hands all over my Ferrari!"
"Get off my property!"
"That still doesn't explain why you crashed your car into my rock garden."