File 1: The Graheemy Conspiracy

The kids knew him as ‘The Lawnmower Man’. To the Cricket Club he was simply ‘The One Armed Man’. And now he’s gone and no one knows what happened. Has Graeme been sacked, or has he merely been kidnapped by Aliens? Were all those countless hours of mowing dirt an effort to uncover a UFO? Was Murray forced to cover up for his disappearance when he told us that Graeme was just on sick leave?

If Graeme is truly gone, we will always remember him for the great feats he accomplished: such as being the only gardener capable of picking up one bin in three minutes, and the way he could pump so much speed into his beaten old ride mower.

In North Clayton, a dog barks for no apparent reason. Could he be the reincarnation of Graeme calling out for help? Only time, and the A Files, will tell.

See you next issue when we uncover another Hamilton College conspiracy - the real reason why the school doesn’t want anyone on the Library lawn...

THE TRUTH IS SOMEWHERE! Woooooooooo... Spoooookyy...

File 2: The Dog Lady

It is true that the recent expeditions past room 5 and 6 have brought back to the surface an astonishing amount of paranoia. Government covers ups have been mentioned, giant conspiracies, and also the mystery of the dog lady. Just who is the one they call 'The Dog Lady' or 'The Circus Woman'?

Sixty-four missing supermarket trolleys later and a diminishing number of dogs in the local area have caught the attention of the federal police. Is she some kind of bizarre experiment gone wrong? Does she actually have a job or does she spend all day stalking the streets of Hamilton. It is a known fact that the she has never been seen with the same dog twice. Is she genetically engineering dogs and then swapping them for groceries? It would certainly explain her journeys past the windows of rooms 5 and 6.

One thing is for sure: either way, this dog lady is definitely the most significant person in mathematics classes today. Next week, we talk to John Skermer, victim of a third kind close encounter.

THE TRUTH IS ONLY AN A-FILE AWAY!